im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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