we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
