Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
