how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
