This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
