What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
