Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
