Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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