When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize