I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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