i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
