It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
