That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
