At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
organizing the empties. That sober.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
