My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
the day after is always just damage control
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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