I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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