Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
