I just pynch a tree in the face
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
