I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
