Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
