Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
