Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
