i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
