Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
