i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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