Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize