i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
