i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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