whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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