you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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