Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
