I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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