I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
