WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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