We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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