I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize