I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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