just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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