i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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