apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
