I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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