LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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