mondays should just be called national damage control day
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
