I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
