I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
