I hate your face
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
