i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
