2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
