she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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