Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize