My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
