I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
