Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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