He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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