I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
