I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
