I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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