I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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