if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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