I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
