Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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