I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
