So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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