winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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