Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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