I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
