Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
