im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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