And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
