You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
